“Baby, you can’t really live until you’re ready to die”. These words will ring true for the rest of my life. These words were spoken by my Narnie (maternal grandmother) during one of our many telephone conversations in which she proudly announced that she had recently gathered all of her paper work and personal information and made them easily accessible for us (her children and grandchildren) in the event of her death. Even as someone who faces death on a daily basis the thought of my Narnie (or anyone else that I love) not being here sends cold chills through my body but after hanging up and reflecting on our discussion I found myself overcome with a sense of calm and peace.
While reflecting I realized what a gift she had put in place for us. Not only had she taken the time to contemplate and make peace with her mortality; she took things a step further and invested the time and energy to gather all necessary documents related to her finances and personal affairs. She took into consideration the natural grief that we are sure to face upon her departure and in her own way put forth the effort to soften deaths painful blow by giving us one less thing to worry about during our time of bereavement. What could be more valuable at such a time than peace of mind?
It wasn't long before the feeling of gratefulness for Narnie’s forethought was overshadowed by a feeling of sadness and concern for the African American community as a whole. Though there are many people like Narnie who have taken the responsibility of preplanning, prefunding and preparing for their end of life and funeral/burial needs the ugly truth is that as a whole we as a people have taken what I refer to as the “back door approach” to death and dying. Unless we are faced with the need for the services provided by funeral service and burial establishments most of us have not realized the value and importance of making preneed investments (preneed refers to prefunding or preplanning for funeralization and burial). For whatever reasons we are making the choice of meeting death at the back end of the spectrum as opposed to facing its reality and making the necessary provisions. Provisions that can literally create financial life or death for the loved ones that are left behind.
Is it a coincidence that advertisers specifically target the African American community to use their purchasing power to consume products and services such as fast food, alcohol, prescription medication, vehicles, clothing /apparel, sports /recreation and entertainment BUT when it comes to investing in and making preparation for end of life and death care services or products which secure financial stability for our families in the event of a death our community seems to have been omitted? Or is it that we as a community have yet to realize the benefit and value in preparing for the inevitable?
Over the years I have sat in cemetery conference rooms with numerous families as they struggled to locate essential documents necessary for funeralization and burial. I have seen families torn apart and literally fighting at a time when they need each other the most. I have heard countless horror stories of families who are faced with the turmoil that comes along with coping with the loss of a loved one but also with the unnecessarily stressful embarrassment of having to admit to complete strangers (in most cases) that they have no financial means of laying their loved one to rest and are completely reliant on the mercy of churches, friends and funeral service providers to commemorate the life of their dearly departed. Unfortunately, African Americans are affected the most in these circumstances more than any other demographic.
It is my belief that communication is the key to solving any problem no matter how small or how large. It is my prayer that by initiating an open dialect about the importance of preplanning, prefunding and preparing families will be encouraged to do whatever they can to leave each other with as much peace of mind and security as possible. To learn more about starting the conversation with your family and receive FREE information, resources and educational materials about preplanning please feel free to comment or email us at thegravewoman@gmail.com
Baby, you can’t really live until you’re ready to die.
-Narnie
© Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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