Ready or Not: The Law of Attraction vs. Preparing for Death

Disclaimer- The opinions and facts expressed in this post are not meant to offend anyone.  Any information posted to this blog is intended to educate and challenge your perspective.

The Law of Attraction stems from the belief that “like attracts like”.  Basically what you think about has the power to create circumstances, situations, and even physical manifestations of your thoughts. For example if you were to think about, visualize and meditate (replay over and over again in your mind) positive or good thoughts then the world around you will be full of positivity and goodness. On the other hand if you were to think about, visualize and mediate on the negative thoughts your world will be full of negativity.  Though this belief has been recorded throughout history the concept became popular in modern times with the publication of Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret. The Law of Attraction is even believed by many to be backed up by several religious texts including the bible i.e. Proverbs 23:7 states that “as a man thinketh in his heart; so is he”.  

Ever since I was a little girl I have been curious about death and the care of the dead.  That curiosity has evolved into a career in the death care industry that that has answered many of my questions about the care of the deceased and ignited a passion for educating the world about funeral service and mortuary science while encouraging others to plan for their funerals and burials before they are actually needed.   Needless to say that most of my thoughts have to do with death in some form or another and because of this most of my conversation relates to death in some fashion.  To me this is completely normal but I have learned over the years that others are not as open to discussing death and dying so freely.

As a child I would frequently ask family members, friends and random people questions about death in general conversation.  In most cases I received responses delivered with such uncomfortable facial expressions and body language that I would hesitate to ask more questions until something  peaked my curiosity so strongly that I could no longer resist.  Even today in conversations about death and making preparations with the families I work with, my own family members, friends and complete strangers; like clockwork those same uncomfortable, fearful, anxious facial expressions and body gestures are displayed by most.  

This has led me to question if people actually believe that by having a conversation about death and by planning for funeral and burial arrangements they may in turn be knowingly or unknowingly using the Law of Attraction to bring death upon themselves and others?

In reality the truth of the matter is that none of us of knows when or how we will die and the suspense is literally killing us. (LOL, not funny but I couldn’t resist).  We live in a society that works very hard at making us believe that we are in control of everything and that by doing this, eating that, driving a vehicle with these safety features, and working out for this length of time this many days a week we can live longer lives.  Though taking these measures has been proven to improve the overall quality of life in many cases; they cannot guarantee that one additional second or breath will be added to our lives.  In many cases the reactions and responses that I have received in conversations about death and preparing for death in my opinion reflect the belief that "if I talk about it or think about death it’s going to happen and if I don't acknowledge death, death can't get me".

I encourage any of my readers  who may be avoiding communicating your desires or educating yourself about preplanning and/or prefunding for end of life care and funeral/ burial because you believe that you are in some way attracting death to yourself or others (either knowingly or unknowingly)  to  challenge your perspective and consider the following:

1. Death is going to happen whether you talk/think about it or not

2. Death is not only going to happen to you but to your Mom, Dad, kids, your friends and everyone else you know

3. We as human beings have little to no control of when or how we will die.  Anything can happen at any moment that can results in the loss of life. (God Forbid)  

I wish everyone could live forever but by accepting the FACTS I feel as if not only are we as individuals more likely to make the most of everyday and experience a heightened quality of life but also in some weird way we are exercising true control by making the conscience decision to prepare to the best of our ability not only for ourselves but for our loved ones.

In conclusion I have to be honest and say that YES there cases when preened arrangements are made and required to be used sooner than hoped; but does this equate to attracting death?  For example, on Christmas day 2011 my Aunt Janine (who is a funeral director) was visiting from Florida.  There we are sitting around enjoying opening gifts and out of the blue she receives a call from work informing her that a couple whom she helped less than a week prior make prearrangement's for their funerals and burials had been killed in a plane crash. The timing in this situation can be perceived as spooky or perfect.  Personally, I believe and know for a fact that had they not made their arrangements their families would have been forced to deal with so much more than the shocking and devastating loss of their loved ones. 

DEATH IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO EVERYONE! READY OR NOT?

© Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.



An Appointment with Death

 

© Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

The Ugly Truth...

After seeing this video shared on a friends Facebook page I could not help but to share with you all.  Please take the time to watch this video and share it with as many people as you can.  This truths shared in the video have the potenital to not only change but save lives.

The Conversation: Daddy’s Girl Part 2

Wow! Who would have thought that on my 28^th birthday of all days I would be sitting down and preplanning my father’s funeral and burial?  As strange as it seems I think that this is possibly the best birthday present that I have ever been given. 

I truly believe in practicing what I preach but must admit that I have been somewhat of a hypocrite in this area.  For past few years I have allowed resistance and fear of facing reality stop me from being persistent in collecting this information from my Daddy and other members of my family and encouraging my friends and extended family to do the same.  

Sitting down as Daddy and daughter, having THE CONVERSATION and collecting the vital information needed for emergency situations, finances, and end of life care has given me such a peace of mind and heart. I thank God for this oppertunity and pray that each and every person that I know and reader of this blog is encouraged to do the same

 

© Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

The Conversation: Daddy's Girl Part 1

 So many things have changed in the past few weeks.  Life has opened so many wonderful doors not only for me but more importantly for the ones that I love the most.  One of the people most affected by the positive transitions taking place is my wonderful Daddy, Valentino R. Anthony.  In the next few weeks he will be starting a new chapter in life and I could not be more excited for him.

As with many changes comes the need to purge.  Releasing the old in preparation to receive the new can be a very challenging but rewarding process.  I have had the privilege of witnessing my Daddy work towards and prepare for his next chapter first-hand not only for the last few weeks but throughout my entire life.  I have witnessed him overcome hurdles and obstacles, I have seen him literally start from scratch with nothing and grow to the point where he is leaving me in a place to build from. 

Over the past few years I have been encouraging my Daddy to sit down with me and make arrangements for his end of life care funeral and burial.  Each time I brought the subject up he politely entertained me long enough for me to stop “nagging” him with all of my questions.  To my surprise over a cup of hot tea yesterday morning I finally got my way.

Daddy: Joe’l, I want to sit down and talk to you about that thing that you have wanted me to work on.

Joe’l: What thing?

Daddy: That thing for my arrangements.

Joe’l: Oh ok :)

Daddy: These are some very important pieces of paper.  Please put them where you can find them if you need them.

The conversation with my Daddy ignited a combination of emotions that are indescribable.  My heart filled with joy knowing that he is taking steps towards being prepared for the inevitable but simultaneously broke realizing that by having THE CONVERSATION , I am accepting his mortality.  By sitting down and planning out a funeral with him I am admitting to myself that one day I will have to let him go.  By placing his vital documents away for safe keeping I am accepting that all the time that we have and will share will one day only be a memory.  This is tough !!!

© Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

New Year New Perspective: Patience and Preparation

Earlier this year I shared my desire to evolve and protect my perspective in the blog post entitled “New Year New Perspective”.  Since sharing that blog I have been challenging myself to truly live up to the principles discussed and view all of my experiences as preparation for fulfilling my purpose and to be patient and understanding with myself throughout the process.  Like many people I know who are striving for more in life (no matter what more is) I sometimes find myself frustrated and overwhelmed by the interpretations that “things aren't happening fast enough” or “I am working so hard and nothing seems to be going as I planned” not taking into consideration that the frustration and overwhelming feelings that I am experiencing serve as groomers for two tools that will be essential for my journey.

Patience is defined as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

We currently live in a society where everything is instantaneous. We have become so accustomed to at the click of a mouse being able to order a pizza, buy a new pair of shoes and even date.  Social media powerhouses such as Instagram, Snap Chat and Twitter have capitalized on our lack of patience by constraining the critical thinking required from users by flooding us with images and limiting the number of words that can be used to communicate contributing to a society that has no concept of or value for patience and the process of just being.

Preparation is defined as the action or process of making something ready for use or service or getting ready for some occasion, test, or duty. 

When things are not happening our way and our way right now we can be tempted to experience the all familiar feelings of overwhelming frustration, anxiety, worry and fear that things just won’t happen at all.  In the past weeks I have slightly altered my perspective and chosen to view moments of quiet, unexpected change of plans, cancellations and other circumstances which I have in the past viewed as disappointments or failures as opportunities to reflect and become better prepared.  To be honest not all of the frustration and anxieties have faded completely BUT I have learned that by having a more positive perspective, spending more time and energy reflecting and preparing and exercising more patience I feel better and am able to operate more efficiently and effectively.   I encourage each of you to please take the time to reflect and prepare.  When things are not going as planned and in moments of frustration practice patience and trust that things may not work out exactly how you thought or would like but THEY WILL WORK OUT.  I look forward to reading your comments about the positivity you experience from a change in perspective. 

“Build the track and the train will come, without the track the train has no place to come”


© Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

Open Discussion Part One: The African American Community & The Back Door Approach to Death

“Baby, you can’t really live until you’re ready to die”.   These words will ring true for the rest of my life.  These words were spoken by my Narnie (maternal grandmother) during one of our many telephone conversations in which she proudly announced that she had recently gathered all of her paper work and personal information and made them easily accessible for us (her children and grandchildren)  in the event of her death.  Even as someone who faces death on a daily basis the thought of my Narnie (or anyone else that I love) not being here sends cold chills through my body but after hanging up and reflecting on our discussion I found myself overcome with a sense of calm and peace. 

While reflecting I realized what a gift she had put in place for us.  Not only had she taken the time to contemplate and make peace with her mortality; she took things a step further and invested the time and energy to gather all necessary documents related to her finances and personal affairs.  She took into consideration the natural grief that we are sure to face upon her departure and in her own way put forth the effort to soften deaths painful blow by giving us one less thing to worry about during our time of bereavement.  What could be more valuable at such a time than peace of mind?

It wasn't long before the feeling of gratefulness for Narnie’s forethought was overshadowed by a feeling of sadness and concern for the African American community as a whole.  Though there are many people like Narnie who have taken the responsibility of preplanning, prefunding and preparing for their end of life and funeral/burial needs the ugly truth is that as a whole we as a people have taken what I refer to as the “back door approach” to death and dying.  Unless we are faced with the need for the services provided by funeral service and burial establishments most of us have not realized the value and importance of making preneed investments (preneed refers to prefunding or preplanning for funeralization and burial).  For whatever reasons we are making the choice of meeting death at the back end of the spectrum as opposed to facing its reality and making the necessary provisions. Provisions that can literally create financial life or death for the loved ones that are left behind.

Is it a coincidence that advertisers specifically target the African American community to use their purchasing power to consume products and services such as fast food, alcohol, prescription medication, vehicles, clothing /apparel, sports /recreation and entertainment BUT when it comes to investing in and making preparation for end of life and death care services or products which secure financial stability for our families in the event of a death our community seems to have been omitted?  Or is it that we as a community have yet to realize the benefit and value in preparing for the inevitable?

Over the years I have sat in cemetery conference rooms with numerous families as they struggled to locate essential documents necessary for funeralization and burial. I have seen families torn apart and literally fighting at a time when they need each other the most. I have heard countless horror stories of families who are faced with the turmoil that comes along with coping with the loss of a loved one but also with the unnecessarily stressful embarrassment of having to admit to complete strangers (in most cases) that they have no financial means of laying their loved one to rest and are completely reliant on the mercy of churches, friends and funeral service providers to commemorate the life of their dearly departed.  Unfortunately, African Americans are affected the most in these circumstances more than any other demographic.

It is my belief that communication is the key to solving any problem no matter how small or how large.  It is my prayer that by initiating an open dialect about the importance of preplanning, prefunding and preparing families will be encouraged to do whatever they can to leave each other with as much peace of mind and security as possible.  To learn more about starting the conversation with your family and receive FREE information, resources and educational materials about preplanning please feel free to comment or email us at thegravewoman@gmail.com

Baby, you can’t really live until you’re ready to die.

-Narnie

© Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Joe'l Anthony and The Grave Woman with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.